March 7, 2007

• Quote for the Week:
  I beg you, for the love of God, do not stop saying the prayer of our Christ (Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner)  not even for a moment. Your lips should continuously murmur the name of Jesus Who destroys the devil and all his plots. Cry out incessantly to our Christ, and at once He will hasten wholeheartedly to help us. 
  
  Just as iron cannot be grabbed or even approached when it is red-hot, the same thing happens with the soul of him who says the prayer with the fervor of Christ. The demons do not approach it—and how could they? For if they draw near it, they will be burned by the Divine fire which the Divine name contains.

  Whoever prays is enlightened, and whoever does not pray is darkened. Prayer is the provider of divine light. This is why everyone who prays well becomes all radiant, and the Spirit of God dwells in him. If despondency, indifference, listlessness, etc., approach us, let us pray with fear, pain, and great noetic vigilance, and we will immediately experience the miracle of consolation and joy by the grace of God. It is not possible for a person who prays to hold a grudge against someone or refuse to forgive him for any fault whatsoever. Everything is reduced to ashes when it comes near the fear of the Jesus prayer.

  So, my children, struggle in the salvific and sanctifying prayer of our Christ, so that you may become radiant and holy.  Elder Ephraim of the Holy Mountain (Athos)

  Hymn from Lenten Vespers:  “By enlightening our souls through fasting.  O Lord may we be enabled to behold Thy cross in joy – in fear to bow before it.  The cross illumines They voluntary sufferings.  Grant us to behold them, O Lover of all. 

  Scripture Verse for the Week:  ”I appeal to you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”   Romans 12: 1-2

  Thought for the Week:  The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Have they entered your marriage?

   

  John Gottman, author of “Why Marriages Succeed and Fail,” offers us tremendous insight into what makes a successful, stable, lasting marriage, and conversely, he identifies the distinct, downward spiraling cascade of interactions and emotions that sabotage and bring marriage to a sad end. The ‘Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’ are four warning signs that the most precious relationship in our life, our marriage, is entering troubled waters. Like preventative medicine, knowledge is key here…for it is possible to carefully dissect where our marriages are going awry and pinpoint those causes so that we may restore the joy and love that God intended for all of us in this most precious sacrament. Here are the warning signs, from least to most dangerous, in a nutshell: (quoted and paraphrased from pp. 71-102)

  The First Horseman: Criticism

  Criticism enters our marriage when we allow our complaining to involve attacking our spouse’s personality or character rather than a specific behavior.  This involves terms like ‘you always,’ or ‘you never…’ coupled with assaulting remarks (‘you are so selfish’). It can lead to ‘kitchen sinking,’ the tendency to add on a list of negative criticisms with our initial remarks. Complaining can actually be quite healthy to a marriage. Expressing anger and disagreement (through ‘I’ statements) though rarely pleasant, makes for a stronger marriage in the long run as long as we stick with a specific event. (“I was hoping you would have been home sooner…I needed to go…”) Criticism assumes the bad, rather than the good, in our spouse and should be avoided like the plague, for it prepares the way for worse things.

   

  The Second Horseman: Contempt

   

  What separates contempt from criticism is the intention to insult and psychologically abuse your partner. With our words and body language, we’re lobbing insults right into the heart of our spouse’s sense of self. These actions are fueled with negative thoughts about our spouse…he’s stupid, incompetent, disgusting, a fool. These messages come across as well through our words, our actions and our facial expressions. Contempt can be the result of one escalating issue between the couple that begins to pervade other areas of their interaction. As a consequence, the couple ceases to compliment and express mutual admiration of each other, or to remember why they fell in love in the first place (three perfect antidotes). Contempt involves: Insults and name-calling, hostile humor, mockery, and negative body language and should be banned from our Christian marriages.

   

  The Third Horseman: Defensiveness

   

  With the entry of each horseman, our marriages grow from bad to worse. Defensiveness follows on the heels of contempt. When contempt enters our marriage, we begin to act in a defensive manner, i.e., we begin to feel victimized by each other, to defend ourselves, and to not take responsibility for setting things right. It is a natural response, but it further deteriorates the marriage. Here are some common forms: Denying responsibility, making excuses, disagreeing with ‘negative mind reading,’ cross-complaining, reverse blaming, whining, negative body language. Defensiveness obstructs communication and pits us against our spouse, whom we at one point willingly met at the altar!

   

  The Fourth Horseman: Stonewalling

   

  The couple is nearing rock bottom. Exhausted and overwhelmed by our attacks, our spouse eventually stops responding, even defensively. Stonewalling is the emotional detachment and distance a spouse makes as a result of our allowing the prior three horsemen to take a foothold in our marriage. Some see it as the ‘last straw’ to separation or divorce, and it can be, but it must be understood that stonewalling is a response to habitual criticism, contempt and defensiveness in the home. It is a powerful reaction of silence or icy distance to a talking spouse. Interestingly, men are usually the stonewallers, and women the criticizers in a marriage. If stonewalling takes permanent residence in our home, it takes serious hard work and soul searching to save the marriage.

   

  As in everything in life, marriage takes work and care. In order to live the full life in Christ He intended us to live, we must be active, life-long learners seeking insight, wisdom and practical applications to help our marriages be the loving and intimate safe haven we all desire. In so doing, we will be able to teach others to achieve the same marital joy through our example and encouraging words.

   

  Questions for the Week:

  Am I applying liberally in my marriage the antidotes to contempt?  Do I remember to compliment my spouse?  Do I remember to express to my spouse those things that I admire about him?  Do I take time to think back to what attracted me to my spouse in the first place?

  
  

  Lenten Recipe for the Week:

  Yemista me Ryzi: Aliki’s Stuffed Vegetables with Rice  from Nancy Gaifyllia 

  Here’s a version of stuffed vegetables, and a great way to get our kids to eat healthy meals they might not otherwise touch!  If there’s any filling left over, freeze it and use it another time. 

  
  

  INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 spring onion, finely chopped
  • 1 bunch of fresh parsley, finely chopped
  • 1 pound of zucchini, grated
  • 2 medium carrots, grated
  • 1/2 eggplant, peeled and grated
  • 1/2 + 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • 4 firm tomatoes
  • 4 medium zucchini
  • 4 small eggplants
  • 4 peppers (green bell, or banana)
  • 1 1/2 cups of long grain rice
  • 1 tablespoon of sea salt
  • 1 teaspoon of freshly ground pepper
  • toasted breadcrumbs

  PREPARATION:

  Wash the vegetables carefully and dry. With a paring knife, cut the caps off the tomatoes, peppers, and eggplant, and both ends off the zucchini and set aside. With a spoon, scoop out the pulp and seeds from the eggplant, zucchini, and peppers, and discard.

  Scoop out the tomato pulp, chop well, and set aside. Lightly salt the interior of all vegetables  (Tip; Scoop out vegetables leaving a thin shell, about 1/8 inch.) 

  
  

  In a pot, heat 1/2 cup of olive oil and sauté the onion for about 2-3 minutes. Add grated zucchini, eggplant, and carrots, and cook over low heat for 10 minutes. Add the tomato pulp and continue to cook for 5 minutes. Remove from the heat and set aside to cool for 15 minutes, and put in a bowl. Add the rice, salt, and pepper, and mix well with a spoon until blended.

  With a spoon, fill vegetables loosely with the rice mixture, place in a roasting pan packed closely but not squashed, with caps covering the tops and ends. Place tomatoes (and small bell peppers if used) upright, lie the others on their sides. Pour 1/2 cup olive oil and 1/2 cup water over the top, sprinkle the tops of the upright vegetables with toasted breadcrumbs, and bake at 450F (230C) for 1 hour. Halfway through, turn the vegetables that are placed on their sides.  Note: If the vegetables start to get too brown before cooking time is up, cover with foil.  Yield: serves 4

  • 11:06 am
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