December 28, 2006
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I have been reading The Theologians Cafe blog and I like that he asks so many questions and gets some interesting responses.
So here is my first attempt at this kind of blogging.
Do Americans over do it at Christmas with the gift buying?
Do we buy things for people that the really don’t need in the first place, just to be giving someone a present?
Comments (15)
Yes. Yes.
Is gift-giving only about what people need? I do think most people probably overdo it. I think we probably overdo it, too, if overdo means buying more than what’s needed. We didn’t spend more money than we have to spend, though, if that’s what you’re asking. If overdo means overextending credit, then I see it as a problem. If there’s never any giving back, so that everything is just for me and mine, then that’s problematic, too. But I don’t think giving things people don’t need, but just want, is a problem.
Good point.
My next question was going to be , “Do we spend money that we really don’t have?”
I guess it all depends on your experiences in life. When you go overseas and see how precious of a gift is to someone who needs simple things like soap or bath towels it really changes your thinking on everything. I get so frustrated with the mass amount of clutter that I have to deal with after Christmas that truly was not needed nor do we really have the room. I would have been blessed, in my mind, more mightily if someone had packaged up a box full of toilet paper (yes, I’m serious! A large family uses a lot of TP and it gets expensive. *lol*) or soap and tooth paste or even given us a new set of towels. These are things we use everyday and always run out of! The presents that are the most meaningful to me are those that can bless us by saving in expenses as well as being disposable as not to take up room we don’t have. My favorite gifts this year was the fruit we received –fun, delicious, enjoyable and needed!
Of course, there is the occasional desire to have something more extravagant like jewelry, dvd’s etc. but, I think we Americans get more fun and entertaining things than necessary. Again, if you go overseas and see that people wear the same shirt or outfit for three days in a row you would be much more thankful for the 10 + outfit wardrobe we have here in America.
I experienced something really neat this Christmas that really blessed my heart. My son likes to play with people’s wallets, watches, cell phones etc and play pretend with them like he was a grown up. Well, he asked my brother to “play” with these things and of course Uncle Johnny was more than willing to oblige. My son looked at his ragged old wallet and was shocked at the condition of it. My brother seeing Jared reacting to the poor condition of his wallet, then shared with him that it was a very special gift that was given to him a long time ago and since it was still usable he was going to continue using it. My brother then brings the wallet to me and says, “Recognize this?!” I truly didn’t and it was in POOR shape! *lol* Johnny reminded me that I had given my brothers each a wallet and $5 to be in my wedding when they were little. I am about 12 years older than them. Anyway, the wallet and money was a family joke because the boys teased me saying they wouldn’t be in my wedding unless I paid them. *lol* Well, my brother has cherished that wallet ever since! He sees no need to have a new one as the old one brings him so much joy because of the memories that come with it. I wish more Americans had the mentality of my brother. I dare say I am not even close to being grateful like he is with my possessions.
We live in a very disposable materialistic culture. By this term of disposable I mean that if we don’t like it any more or it’s not good enough for us any more we tend to become greedy wanting another or better rather than being happy with what we do have. We literally throw money out the window and in my mind it doesn’t matter whether you have the money to throw out the window or not. We as Americans should make better use of our money that God has granted to us IMHO.
I agree with HeartWomb :coolman:.
I want to be less materialistic, and less concerned with entertaininment (pretty much nonstop in our culture).
I truly want to stem the desire to constantly feed my flesh.
For me, the question when buying a gift is not “do they need this or not” but, “will it truly bless their lives.”
For instance, my mom didn’t need a gift card from her favorite restaurant, but she is going through some stressful times now and being able to have that peaceful time will truly bless her.
Or, I didn’t need the baseball cap that DH got me, but it will be a blessing in sunny California. (The fact that it’s a Miami Dolphins baseball cap is an added bonus :sunny:.)
Lisa – here’s the link to a Pilates machine (called a Reformer) I was looking at. It has the trampoline thing on the end called a rebounder and you can do cardio work with that. There is a big variety (and price range) of them out there. I’ve read that you don’t want a cheap one because they are unstable. And yeah, this should definitely help your back and core muscles. http://www.qvc.com/qic/qvcapp.aspx/main.detail.tpl.DETAIL.item.F0949.ref.GBA/aol_refer.false/msn_refer.false/ref.GBA?cm_ven=GOOGLEBASE&cm_cat=SPORTS%20%26%20FITNESS&cm_pla=FITNESS%20EQUIPMENT&cm_ite=F0949
Yes, and yes. I believe in celebrating, living heartily, and giving joyfully. It
reminds us that God lavishes us with a kind of love that is abundant and that
never wanes. But when the gift is the focus rather than filling the need, things
get totally out of whack.
Families can often give one another useless material gift on top of another, and
totally neglect an emotional/relational need. We live in a culture of material
plenty and relational lack. I’m saddened to see how often we can give unneeded
presents, and totally fail to see that someone desperately needs our time, love,
wisdom, affection, or a shoulder to cry on.
Fun gifts are fun, but they’ll never fill the needs that can’t be met with material.
It’s a shame to have such excess in one area, and such woeful lack in another :p
In my mind these are two seperate issues: gift giving and being materialistic. No I don’t think we can give too many gifts. Does the Father give us too many? He lavishes me many a day with abundant blessings, and yes, some of them are things that I don’t need and sometimes His gifts are so abundant I can hardly breathe. Overflowing. I don’t think the problem is in the gift giving if the heart/attitude behind the giving is right. Jacob bought his brother a ball for Christmas. Yes I could have said that is ANOTHER ball to be in our house and that’s two bucks I spent that could have been used on something else. But instead I choose to look at it that my 5 year old son saw this ball and immediately thought his brother would love it. He was excited for Owen to open that Christmas morning. The whole act of it warmed my heart in a way I can’t explain. My heart overflowed into the gifts that we bought this year for other people. Gifts are a way of showing love, no doubt about it. Sure, there are plenty of times when I get things that I don’t need or maybe didn’t want or maybe don’t understand, but I choose to think that the person that bought the gift is showing me in a tangible way how they feel about me. Now I realize this isn’t how everyone looks at this, and YES there are people that buy gifts b/c they think they are expected to or supposed to or whatever stupid reason they come up with, and that is sad. Because if the giver is doing that, then THEY are missing out on the GIFT of GIVING. We should always do our best to be intentional and purposeful in our giving to other people, as God gives to us. But being intentional doesn’t always mean giving them only things they need or only giving one thing or whatever. I can’t count the number of times I have been blessed with something that I wanted but would have never bought for myself. What a gift!
That all being said, yes I agree in America we are too materialistic. Just the other day I threw out a pair of Jacob’s socks that had a hole in it and it occured to me that people in another time or another place would patch that hole ten times over before they would throw it out. We do live in a disposable nation and much of that is very sad. If we lived on less we’d have more to give, to be sure. I can personally confess to thinking that many times. One less meal out, one less outfit for the kids, fixing broken things instead of buying new ones, all that money could be sent to someone who needed it more. And that’s where the problem lies, in this attitude towards what we want for ourselves, and what we think our lives should be. But this is a totally separate question I think from whether we give too many gifts or anything like this. I say give and give abundantly. Give from your heart. Give not only materially but of yourself. It keeps the focus off of yourself and what you don’t have, and oh my how you can bless others in this way.
Just my thoughts….
I found you through a comment you made on Theologian’s Cafe regarding infant baptism. Your argument for infant baptism was the most compelling I have ever read… absolutely the most compelling. Thank you.
Yes, the danger in Christmas giving is that it is done out a sense of duty and therefore is not done with an entirely pure motive… I am guilty of this, sometimes.
My best to you… Peace.
p.s. You have a lovely family.
Yes. And Yes. And though recognizing it is the first step, we don’t know how to stop. So many families have become conditioned over time to show love by how much money they spend. And we have so many people who say, “Oh, you didn’t have to do (buy, make, bring) that!” but would hold a grudge if you didn’t because they really expect it. And even $5 or $10 gifts add up if you’ve got x number of family members, office assistants, childrens’ teachers, etc. etc. who we think expect gifts…
yes and yes. makes me sad.
Merry Christmas
Your profile pic of your family is beautiful!
I believe that Christmas can get out of hand with regards to gifts. Its easy to say “I love you” with a shirt and tie in a coordinated box, but it is more challenging and difficult to say I love you by fixing the water heater everytime it breaks, or listening to a broken hearted cry or helping buy the groceries the third week of every month. Being involved in people’s lives is hard, demanding, but it is the only way to develop the intimacy that truly represents “I love you” in its truest form.
We give, as a family, without expecting a gift in return, and frequently have gotten just that. It has never taken away from the gift given or hurt anyone’s feelings for long. A gift is not meant to comprise a full lifetime’s emotion but more to share an understanding of what can make life easier, prettier, warmer, more fragrant, something that shares the knowledge we have of each other. I received four gifts this year, and each one was truly what I needed and those around me knew that. My children happen to outgrow their school clothes right around December so clothes are not a filler but a need. It may not be “fun” but it is obvious as my youngest’s toes stick out from a hole in her shoe. And they did get clothes from several family members with a toy.
I read your blog regularly and follow the history yu present and check your other referral sites. Praying for you and your family for this New Year.
Enjoy your evening!
Great discussion! I appreciated everyone’s comments very much. I think I like this new question and answer blogging! And for those of you wondering about my response about infant baptism here was my answers.
Q. Would you baptize a one year old baby?
I have baptized 4 of them all under the age of 1. They were 6-9 months old. We are Orthodox Christians and this is the norm. The children/babies are full members of the OC and receive all the sacraments…Holy Communion etc… this way they never know a life without Christ; they are raised as Christians and will grow in the life in Christ as they mature. I didn’t wait to feed my children nutritious food until they were old enough to decide to eat….why would I not give them a life in Christ? Of course as the mature their relationship will mature. The practice in the first century church was for families to come to Christ together, they didn’t leave their children out. The whole family was baptized and lived as followers of Christ.
AMEN!!!! That was a wonderful description of what it is like for us Orthodox! Our kids DO matter and are very much loved by us and Christ and His Church. We all grow in the faith. I do not know Christ in the same way as I did when I was 6, 20 or 40; it is a “relationship” not an “age of reason.” If children can have a relationship with us starting when they were babies, why not with Christ?
As far as the gift giving goes, I agree with Linda, I like to give things that are a blessing to the receiver. I think gift cards are a marvelous example. I do have relatives, though, who don’t like them or $$ as gifts because they see them as impersonal. But that is not me! We have a bag each year for the things that we really can’t use/don’t want, that way unwanted things don’t clutter up the house. I concentrate on being thankful for anything I am given, even if it is something I don’t personally like or can’t use, because it is precious to me that the giver thought enough to give me anything!
Yes and yes. In my own family, we don’t go overboard because we can’t. I hope that if we ever “can” that we still won’t.