Month: May 2005

  • I spoke to my sweet husband today. He has made it safely to Cyprus after 48 hours of travel via London.  For the last 11 years Fr. has been the Orthodox theological secretary for the Anglican-Orthodox Dialogue. For months now Fr. has been busy organizing the Orthodox Church representatives from around the world.  This year the dialogue is being held in Cyprus at  Kykkos Monastery in theTroodos mountains. Every other year the  Orthodox  Church hosts the dialogue. Last year the conference was hosted by the Anglicans in Canterbury, Basil, Fr. and I all  traveled to England. You can see below the dates and locations of previous dialogues. Here are photos from last year’s meeting in Canterbury.



















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    Fr. is on the right , in the black cassock.





     















    Metropolitan John of Pergamum ( John Zizioulas) and the Archbishop of Canterbury, Revd Rowan Williams are in the middle of this photo.

     Photos from the meeting of the Anglican Orthodox Commission and dinner with the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Revd Rowan Williams, and the Greek Orthodox Archbishop of Great Britian  24 June 2004 (Photos: ACNS/Rosenthal) Metropolitan John of Pergamum ( John Zizioulas) is standing in this photo.


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    Fr. and I have celebrated our first anniversary in Cyprus. We were there in September 1995 for the  SYNDESMOS  15th General Assembly , which was held also hosted by Kykkos monastery.








    1995, 15th Assembly, Kykko Monastery, Cyprus, ‘Let your light shine forth to all people’


    Fr. is on the far right, he was ordained a year later in September 1996.









    And just for nostaligia sake, I am feeling nostalgic today and missing my dh….


     

    1992, 14th Assembly, Moscow, Russia, ‘For the Life of the World’


    here is a photo from the SYNDESMOS 14th General Assembly  in Russia.  We are celebrating the Divine Liturgy on a ship traveling down the Volga river. I am to the right of center with long brown hair and a long sleeve black top and Fr. (then an unmarried lay theologian ) is  left of center in the light shirt to the left of the man in the dark suit.


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    Anglican/Orthodox Dialogue


    International Commission of the Anglican-Orthodox Theological Dialogue



     

  • As a protestant, heavily studying orthodoxy, I’m trying to understand the importance of Mary’s role, obviously having had no exposure or education in that. What I had always assumed about Mary was that if it wasn’t her it would just be someone else. I guess I thought she was just randomly chosen for no special reason. As for “all generations will call me blessed” I would take that to mean, “yes, she’s blessed, I agree, now let’s move on – lots of people are blessed in different ways”. I see now I must be wrong in these assumptions, but I still don’t have an understanding of her importance.

    Anyone care to try to enlighten me?
    _________________
    ~Tracy


    Taken from a thread on this site:      http://gracefulmothering.com/community/viewtopic.php?t=1561


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    For my friend Tracy. 


    Facing Up to Mary
    By Fr. Peter E. Gillquist


    Is it safe to say that no woman in history is more misunderstood by modern Christendom than the Virgin Mary? And is it also probable that in a discussion concerning Mary between two Christians, if their differences remain unresolved, most likely it will be due to differing interpretations of the biblical data? If I have heard him say it once, I have heard Billy Graham say it at least a half-dozen times over the years: We evangelical Christians do not give Mary her proper due. There is no doubt in my mind that he is correct. But his statement raises a crucial question about Mary. What is her proper due? Before we look to the Scriptures for some answers, let us acknowledge right up front a problem which makes our task much more difficult than it should be. The highly charged emotional atmosphere which surrounds this subject serves to blunt our objectivity in facing up to Mary. Therefore, those of us who were brought up to question or reject honor paid to Mary in Christian worship or art often have our minds made up in advance. That is why we have allowed our preconceptions to color our understanding even of the scriptural passages concerning her. We have not let the facts speak for themselves. As we attempt to face up to Mary honestly and openly, let us turn first to the Bible, the source book of all true Christian doctrine. We will consider what the New Testament teaches about her, and then we will turn to the Old Testament. To understand how the biblical record has been applied through the years by Christians, we will look specifically at Church history to understand both how she has been properly honored, and how excessive beliefs concerning her have crept into the picture. Lastly, we will look at how we must face up to her in light of the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.


    THE NEW TESTAMENT RECORD
    What is it, then, that the New Testament clearly teaches concerning the Virgin Mary? The Gospel of Saint Luke, the book of the beloved physician, gives us at least four crucial answers.


    1. Mary is the greatest woman who ever lived.
    Whereas our Lord Jesus Christ tells us there is no greater man to walk the earth than John the Baptist, both the Archangel Gabriel and the saintly Elizabeth confess to Mary, “Blessed are you among women” (Luke 1:28 and 42). She is the most blessed of women for several reasons, the greatest of which is that she conceived, carried, gave birth to, and nurtured the very Savior of our souls. The One who today occupies the heavenly throne of David, seated regally at the right hand of God the Father, entered the human race and became our Savior through her womb. She was sovereignly chosen by the Father to bear His only begotten Son. In that role, Mary is the first person in all history to receive and accept Christ as her Savior. You and I are called to enthrone the Lord in our hearts and lives-to follow her example in doing so. Early in Christian history she is called “the first of the redeemed.” I remember entering a church some years ago and seeing a painting or icon of Mary with open arms front and center on the wall (the apse) just behind the altar. My first impulse was to wonder why Christ alone was not featured at that particular place in the church, though He was shown in a large circle that was superimposed over Mary’s heart. When I asked why she was so prominently featured, the Christian scholar with me explained, “This is one of the greatest evangelistic icons in the entire Church. What you see is Christ living as Lord in Mary’s life, and her outstretched arms are an invitation to you and me to let Him live in our lives as He has in hers.” The power of that icon stays in my mind to this day. For she has set the pace for all of us to personally give our lives over fully to Jesus Christ. Mary is also blessed because she found favor in the sight of God. Gabriel’s words of encouragement to her were, “Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you” (Luke 1:28). Then he comforted her by saying, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God” (Luke 1:30, italics mine). What does one do to become one of God’s favorites, to be favored by Him? Remember Cornelius in Acts 10? He was the first Gentile to convert to Christ, “a devout man and one who . . . gave alms generously to the people, and prayed to God always” (Acts 10:2). Two verses later he is told in a vision, “Your prayers and your alms have come up for a memorial before God.” The Lord took notice of his deeds of devotion and brought him salvation. In a similar way, Mary’s purity found favor with God, and she was chosen to bear His Son. You say, “Wait a minute! Are you suggesting human merit earns salvation?” Not at all! As commendable as it is for us to live in purity, a devout life never merits salvation. Else why would Mary be called first of the redeemed, or why would Cornelius be baptized into Christ by Saint Peter? Prayer and devotion, however, do gain God’s attention. When we seek Him with all our hearts, we do find Him! Do you want to be favored of God? Then give Him everything you have, give Him your very life. This is precisely what Mary did, and why she is to be considered the greatest woman who ever lived.


    2. Mary is our model for Christian service.
    While God certainly knew Mary desired to please Him, He did not take her service for granted. The angel explained how she would bear Christ. “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest [God the Father] will overshadow you; therefore, also, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God” (Luke 1:35). Now Mary had a decision to make. Was she willing? Hear her answer, for it is the doorway to the life of spiritual service for all of us. “Behold the maidservant of the Lord!” she said. “Let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). Even if we are totally sincere about wanting to follow God, He will never conscript us apart from our consent! This is why He is called “the God of all grace” (1 Peter 5:10). We are to choose freely to obey Him and do His will. Some thirty years later, by the way, Mary again had opportunity to exalt her Lord. She was with Jesus at a wedding in Cana of Galilee. The servants who were in charge of the celebration discovered they were out of wine. Mary had no doubt as to who could solve their problem. Referring to her Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, she advised them, “Whatever He says to you, do it” (John 2:5).


    3. Mary is the Mother of God.
    Now things get a bit more touchy for some of us. Here is one of those emotional trouble spots I mentioned earlier. Whether we like to face it or not, the Bible teaches Mary is the mother of God. First let’s look at the text, then we will discuss why this title is so important to our lives as Christians in the Church. After Christ had been conceived in her womb, Mary paid a visit to the home of relatives Zacharias and Elizabeth, soon to be parents of John the Baptist. When Mary greeted her cousin, Elizabeth called her blessed and said, “Why is this granted to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?” (Luke 1:43). Elizabeth knew that her Lord, the Messiah of Israel, was in the womb of Mary. The title “Mother of God” took on great importance in the fourth century, when a heretic named Nestorius-a man who held high office in the Church-claimed that the one in Mary’s womb was certainly man, but that He was not God. Orthodox Christians, with one accord, said, “Wrong!” To see Jesus Christ as something less than God in the flesh is sub-Christian. For unless the one in Mary’s womb was and is God, we are dead in our sins. To safeguard the full deity of Christ, the Church has always insisted that Mary be rightly called-as Elizabeth called herthe Mother of God. This title, of course, does not mean mother of the Holy Trinity, for the Holy Trinity has no mother. Neither does it mean she originated the Person who is God the Son. It refers instead to Mary being the Mother of the Son of God, who assumed full humanity in her womb. Just as we insist on the Virgin Birth of Christ, we also insist that for the nine months Mary carried Him in His humanity He was at every moment fully God as well. Thus we say boldly and with great insistence that Mary is the Mother of God, Theotokos, God-bearer. To say anything less is to side with those who deny His deity. When a man buys a large plot of land and turns cattle out to graze on it, he fences in his acreage. He does so to protect his cattle, to keep them from wandering off, and to discourage rustlers. Similarly, the Church sets doctrinal fences around its foundational truths. And nothing is more basic and important to us than the deity of Christ. Because Christ is God, we set a firm and non-negotiable fence around His divinity by our unmovable confession that Mary is Mother of God.


    4. We are to honor Mary and call her blessed.
    Now comes the toughest test of all. Not only is Mary the most blessed of women, our model for obedience, and the Mother of God, we are called to honor her and to bless her. How do we know? The Bible tells us so. During her three-month stay at Elizabeth’s house, Mary offered one of the most beautiful prayers of praise to the Lord in all the Scriptures. It begins, “My soul magnifies the Lord,” and thus it has become known as “The Magnificat.” In that prayer, inspired by the Holy Spirit, Mary prophesied, “henceforth all generations will call me blessed” (Luke 1:48). Essentially, all generations in Church history have done so; only the last few centuries have faltered. Our generation of American Christians is filled with those who refuse to bless her, and we must change our ways. For some Christian bodies have come to stand dogmatically against Christ and the New Testament by refusing to bless her. From the beginning of recorded Christian worship, Orthodox Christians have taken special care to venerate or honor Mary in the Liturgy. There is an ancient hymn which begins, “It is truly right to bless you, O Theotokos (Mother of God).” She is also called in this hymn “ever-blessed and most pure.” The biblical injunction to honor Mary is followed and taken seriously. We do not, of course, worship Mary, for worship is reserved for the Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. But she is most certainly to be honored and venerated. And because Christ is our elder brother, the firstborn of many brethren, we honor the Virgin Mary as our Mother, our Lady, as well. Just as Eve was mother of the old Adamic race, so Mary is the true Mother of the new race, the Body of Christ, the Church. Perhaps in part because we refuse to honor Mary, our generation seems to struggle with honoring anyone. For example, next time a presidential news conference comes on T.V., watch closely how most of the press corps behave! Far from merely trying to get the story, many are out for intimidation and willful dishonor. While God’s word tells us to honor the king (1 Peter 2:17) and to give preference to each other (Romans 12:10), our generation seems to delight in challenging and humiliating other people, especially those in authority. Not only are we who are Bible-believing Christians urged to give honor to whom honor is due (Romans 13:7), we are called by God in no uncertain terms to bless the Mother of our God. We cannot get around that point in Scripture.


    THE OLD TESTAMENT AND MARY
    We know that the Old Testament is more than just an inspired account of the history of mankind, or of Israel in particular. In its pages-indeed central to its message-is also the prophetic record concerning our Lord Jesus Christ. He is typified throughout. Moses is a type of Christ, in that he leads the people out of bondage into the land of promise. David typifies Christ as King of Israel. Adam was a type of Christ as head of the human race. Often overlooked, however, is the fact that the Virgin Mary is also seen in the prophetic pages of the Old Testament. Most Christians are aware that the Prophet Isaiah predicts Mary’s virgin conception of Christ when he writes: “Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call His name Immanuel” (Isaiah 7:14). But there are numerous other passages which speak of Mary as well.


    EVER-VIRGIN
    From the very early years of the Church, Mary was called not only Virgin, but Ever-Virgin. She was seen as never having had a sexual union with Joseph, before or after the birth of Christ. Ezekiel 44:1, 2 is a passage often referred to by the early Fathers in this regard. It states: “Then He brought me back to the outer gate of the sanctuary which faces toward the east, but it was shut. And the LORD said to me, `This gate shall be shut; it shall not be opened, and no man shall enter by it, because the LORD God of Israel has entered by it; therefore it shall be shut.’ “In traditional interpretation of this passage, Mary is the temple and Christ is the Prince of Peace. The gate mentioned is seen as a picture of Christ’s passage through the door of Mary’s womb. You might not find that interpretation in some of today’s commentaries, but it was held by the great majority of early Church Fathers, as well as many of the Reformation leaders. At this point, however, a very valid question can be raised. If she remained a virgin, why does the Gospel of Matthew tell us that Joseph knew not his wife until Christ was born (Matthew 1:25)? From a scriptural standpoint, the presence of the phrase, “until she had brought forth her firstborn Son” does not automatically mean that Joseph must have known her afterward. This is because in both Greek and Hebrew the word until or to can have several different meanings. We find it in 2 Samuel 6:23: “Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to [until] the day of her death.” It is used again in Matthew 28:20 where the risen Christ says “Lo, I am with you always, even to [until] the end of the age.” And in Deuteronomy 34:6 we read that Moses was buried “in a valley in the land of Moab . . . but no one knows his grave to [until] this day.” Obviously the use of the word in these passages does not imply that Michal had a child after her death, that Christ will depart at the end of the age, or that Moses’ burial place was discovered the day Deuteronomy 34:6 was written. By the same token, the word until in Matthew 1:25 does not mean that Joseph and Mary began a sexual union after Christ was born. Such a teaching is found nowhere in Scripture and is contrary to the consistent voice of the entire early Church. But doesn’t the Bible also mention other brothers and sisters of Christ? Who are they and where did they come from? For one thing, they are never directly called the sons and daughters of Mary and Joseph. In several passages the Bible speaks of the children or relatives as “brothers.” Abraham and Lot are called brothers, although Lot was actually Abraham’s nephew. And Jacob and Laban are called brothers, even though Jacob was the son of Rebecca, Laban’s sister. Scripture is therefore silent concerning the nature of this relationship between Christ and these brothers and sisters. Early Fathers differed slightly in their understanding of what the terms meant. Some, such as Saint Ambrose, believed that they were children of a former marriage between Joseph and a wife who died prior to Matthew chapter 1. Others taught that they were cousins. But on one point, almost everyone is in agreement: Mary and Joseph had no sexual union whatsoever, before or after the birth of Christ. I must say in all candor that had my betrothed been the woman chosen by the Father to bear His eternal Son in the flesh, my view of her would have been utterly transformed and my honor for her infinitely heightened. Imagine being betrothed to the Mother of God. It was so with Joseph. His betrothed was ever-virgin.


    ROYALTY
    If we as the Church are called to be “not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but . . . holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:27), does it not follow that she who is the progenitor of the Lord of that Church should be of that same holy character? Not only has Mary by the mercy and power of God conquered both sin and death, the psalmist sees a glimpse of her in heaven through prophetic eyes. For in Psalm 45, Christ is King and Mary is at His side as Queen and rightly so. If God can make us “kings and priests” (Revelation 1:6) for all eternity, certainly He has the prerogative to crown her with higher honor in heaven’s royal procession. Little did John and James realize, the day they argued about which of them might occupy the seat of honor at Christ’s right hand in the Kingdom, that God the Father had already reserved that space for the marvelous woman He chose to bear His Son for our salvation. The honor is appropriate for the most blessed of all women, the one who is our very icon of holiness. Who else could be more rightly rewarded? Thus the psalmist is well within the mark when he writes of Christ, “At Your right hand stands the queen” (Psalm 45:9)!


    OTHER TRADITIONS
    There are two other beliefs concerning Mary that must be briefly mentioned and addressed. The first is her bodily assumption into heaven, the other her immaculate conception. It was widely reported in the early Church that shortly after her death, Mary’s body was assumed into heaven. In later centuries, the Roman Church ratified this belief as dogma, while the Eastern Church withheld such an official imprimatur. Most Christians agree that such a miracle is within the realm of firm biblical precedent, Enoch and Elijah being two examples. Further, there is no known record of any gravesite or relics of the Holy Virgin. The assumption of the Virgin is safely seen as an historic Christian tradition, though not recorded in the Scriptures. The Immaculate Conception of Mary is a doctrine unique to the modern Roman Church. In an effort to distance Mary (and protect Christ) from the stain of sin, the Immaculate Conception holds Mary was conceived and born without sin. The Orthodox Church firmly rejects this doctrine on the basis of both Scripture and tradition. Whatever other excesses may have cropped up in history, the Roman Church has never believed or officially taught that Mary was in any way coequal with the Trinity or was to be worshiped with the Trinity. Such allegations are sometimes set forth by critics of the Roman Church, but without basis in fact.


    THE VESPERS PRAYER
    Near the end of Vespers in the Orthodox Church, the officiant says, “O holy Mother of God, save us.” What does this mean? The Orthodox Church has taught from the very beginning that Mary is the supreme example, or prototype, of what happens to a person who fully places trust and faith in God. Everything we aspire to become in Christ, she already is. We are all to “receive” Christ (John 1:12). And as we noted previously, Mary was the first human being who did receive Christ. Out of the millions of “decisions” made for Christ, Mary’s was the first. Therefore, whatever promises the Holy Scriptures hold for us, Mary already possesses. If the sacred Scriptures declare that we are all kings (Revelation 1:6), is it so strange that the Church refers to Mary as Queen? If the Holy Bible promised that you and I shall judge angels (1 Corinthians 6:3), is it so odd that the Church should sing that Mary is “more honorable than the cherubim and more glorious beyond compare than the seraphim”? If we who are called “holy brethren” (Hebrews 3:1) are commanded to be holy as God is holy (1 Peter 1:15, 16) and are to present our bodies as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1), is it so unthinkable that she whose holy body was the recipient of God Incarnate should be called “most holy” by the Church? If Saint Paul instructs us to “[pray] always . . . for all the saints” (Ephesians 6:18), is it so outrageous to confess with the Church that Holy Mary (along with all the saints who have passed from death to life and continually stand in the presence of Christ) intercedes before her Son on behalf of all men? Mary volitionally relinquished her will to the will of God, thus cooperating fully with the purpose of God. So the original question, “Can Mary save us?” leads to another question: “Can we save others?” Again, the Holy Scriptures speak with resounding clarity. Here are some examples: “Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you” (1 Timothy 4:16). “Let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins” (James 5:20). “And on some have compassion, making a distinction; but others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire” (Jude 22, 23). Fire saves (1 Corinthians 3:15), prayer saves (James 5:15), angels save (Isaiah 63:9), baptism saves (1 Peter 3:21), preaching saves (1 Corinthians 1:21), the Apostle Paul saved (Romans 11:14). New life in Christ, or salvation, is both personal union with Him and an incorporation into the wholeness of the Body, the Church. Salvation is a Church affair, a Church concern, because we are all affected by it. In another biblical image, salvation is seen as a family matter-God’s family (“the whole family in heaven and earth”-Ephesians 3:15). Everybody gets into the act, so to speak. Therefore, under Christ we each have a part to play in the corporateness of His saving act. We do not save alone; Mary does not save alone. Jesus Christ is our wellspring of salvation. And He said, “Without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). But, “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you” (John 15:7). Mary has a unique role in our salvation because she provided the physical body of Christ and thereby became the “mother” of all those who would be saved. That is why Jesus, while on the Cross, said to His mother, “Woman, behold your son!” and then said to Saint John, “Behold your mother!” (John 19:26, 27).


    TAKING ACTION
    Many Christians have been grossly misinformed in the last 150 years concerning the historical Church’s view of Mary. Therefore, I would suggest that you keep this booklet and use it to help others when the question arises. And remember also that there are things that are unique to the Virgin Mary. She was the only one who gave her flesh to the Son of God, and she is uniquely to be blessed throughout all generations (Luke 1:48). What we do about Mary is connected directly to what we do about Church. The community of Christ’s followers is called to act together. Taking action with regard to Mary is not simply personal or private; it has to do with responding as The Church. And where in Christendom has the fullness of truth concerning Mary been preserved? Even most Protestants-both liberal and conservative-know she is slighted in their circles. The answer for Protestants who take the biblical and historical evidence seriously lies neither within the Protestant Churches nor in the Roman Church, with its questionable late dogmatic additions concerning Mary. I urge you to visit and get to know the historic Orthodox Church which has maintained the biblical fidelity concerning Mary and Christian Faith in general. Within the boundaries of Orthodoxy, the faith and practice of the Church safeguard true commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ together with God the Father and God the Holy Spirit. It is there that the truths of the Bible are taught in their entirety, where the worship of God is experienced in Spirit and in truth, and where Mary and the great cloud of witnesses for Christ throughout the ages are honored and revered. The hour is at hand for all of us who love Christ and take seriously the Holy Scriptures to set our hearts and minds to giving Holy Mary her proper due in the proper Church. We do so because God has done great things for and through her (Luke 1:49). As Christians we do not live by feelings, we live by faith. Let us once for all rise above those things the devil has sown in our hearts to neutralize us against this precious woman who gave birth to our Savior. Bless her in the midst of God’s people. Follow her example in exalting Christ. Confess her as the Mother of God. Come home to the Church that has kept intact our Holy Faith. And may we help turn our generation back to giving Mary the honor and blessing which God has commanded.


     Copyright–Conciliar Press


    Taken from here;


    http://www.protomartyr.org/links.html


     

  • Here are some travel prayers for those of you that will be traveling this Memorial Day weekend.  Have a safe and blessed holiday weekend.

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    Prayers Before Travel

    Lord Jesus Christ my God, be my Companion, guide and protector during my journey. Keep me from all danger, misfortune and temptation. By Your divine power grant me a peaceful and successful journey and safe arrival. In You I place my hope and trust and You I praise, honor and glorify, together with Your Father and Holy Spirit now and forever and ever. Amen.


    Lord Jesus, You traveled with the two disciples after the resurrection and set their hearts on fire with Your grace. Travel also with me and gladden my heart with Your presence. I know, Lord, that I am a pilgrim on this earth, seeking the citizenship which is in heaven. During my journey surround me with Your holy angels and keep me safe from seen and unseen dangers. Grant that I may carry out my plans and fulfill my expectations according to Your will. Help me to see the beauty of creation and to comprehend the wonder of Your truth in all things. For You are the way, the truth and the life, and to You I give thanks, praise and glory forever. Amen









  • First I want to say how sad I have been today for our dear friend who lost her loved one. There are no words……….only prayers and tears. S. I am so very, very sorry. I am thinking of you constantly and praying for you at this very sad time. May Christ our true God bless, protect, guide and comfort you at this tragic time.   


    I am posting these  links for those that are interested.  Many of you have e-mailed me asking for information about  Orthodoxy. These articles   will answer a lot of your questions.


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    What Orthodox Christians Believe


    Which Came First: the Church or the New Testament?


    Finding the New Testament Church – Fr. Jon Braun


    Heavenly Worship – Fr. Richard Ballew


    Facing Up to Mary – Fr. Peter Gillquist


    No Graven Image – Fr. Jack Sparks


    Call No Man Father – Fr. Richard Ballew


    Prayer and the Departed Saints – David C. Ford, Ph.D.


    Scripture and Tradition – Raymond L. Zell


    A Time Line of Church History


    Six Common Questions Protestants ask the Orthodox


     











  • Pictures of Metropolitan Nicholas’ visit to our Church


    MAY 22, 2005











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       The Doxology – just before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy









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    Fr. Christos and Deacon Theodore










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    Metropolitian Nicholas, Deacon Theodore and the altar boys



















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    Metropolitan Nicholas talking to the children




















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    Metropolitan Nicholas and Deacon Theodore


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    Blessing of the loaves (artoclasia)


     


  • WOW!   We just finished watching  EUROVISION, live from Kiev, 


    http://www.eurovision.tv/english/index.htm 


    and  Greece won










    Congratulations, Helena Paparizou! 


    And it is her name day today! Xronia Polla! Many Years!


    Eurovision has been around for 50 years, ABBA was a winner one year.   I first learned about Eurovision  during our years in England. It is a BIG deal in Europe, a billion people tune in. It might seem kind of chessy for American taste. But no more chessy than American Idol, which is a European import. Many countries voted Greece into first place. The song was really good compared to the other choices.  Albania, Belgium, Cyprus, Germany, Hungray, Serbia and Montenagro,  Sweden, Turkey and the United Kingdom all voted the song from Greece into first place.  I also really liked the song from Malta.  the singer had a beautiful voice and the song came in second place.  Before each country’s song they showed footage of that country. Russia’s was beautiful! Full of images of the Orthodox  Church and beautiful Russian painted eggs.  Next year  Greece will host Eurovision since it was the winning country this year.


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  • Elizabeth (Lizabeth) wrote me today about her blog on my blog. Before she left she had hoped to share the following.


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    “Children in the Church Today”


    (pages 37-38)


    “When we teach discipline and obedience to a child, we should allow for the child’s personal development and character. Our pedagogical aim is not to crush the child’s will, or to “break it in” like a young pony we are training, so that we subordinate its personality to our own. Although when a child is young he has to learn simply to do what he is told, our ultimate goal is that he develops unselfishness and consideration for others. If we crush a child’s will, we deprive him of something which is a necessary part of his make-up as a free human person, and a necessary weapon of survival in Christian struggle. We need our will to make our way in this world, so that we do not remain totally dependent on the home environment-and this overstepped usually shows at the moment when the child leaves home as a young adult. It is something to have in mind when we are trying to restrain a strong-willed toddler, for example. We must also sometimes follow the suggestions of children, even when they are small.”


    Also here is an article  by Elder Paisius:


    http://paideaclassics.org/index.php?sid=&cart_id=&show=faq&ref=51







    (Father Paisius was a noted Athonite elder. The following conversation with Father Paisius took place in August 1990.)

    Q. Yeronda (Gk. for elder), there are so many temptations and dangers for young people today. And although we see to it as much as we can to have our children within the church, we worry. Is this concern justified?

    A. For children who have been watered from a young age on piety-do not have fear for them and if they stray a little due to their age or because of temptations-they will come back…

    Q. From which age, Yeronda, do you believe that children become “receptive” and how can we as parents take action without endangering them by chance of excessiveness?

    A. First of all, children imitate us and of course it starts from infancy. From there onwards we have to have the same concern over them as with watches. We wind them as quickly as their spring will take andthen later on slowly, being careful not to break their spring with force.

    Q. Many times they aren’t obedient on some important issues and they rebel very badly for their age. Shouldn’t we insist especially on things like piety?

    A. When something isn’t going well, something is always to blame. Maybe our example is to blame? Maybe it’s some bad issues, some bad actions, or bad words within the home. However, piety is given to children with their milk and not with solid food. Never with pressure or force. And especially by example.

    Q. In cases of wrong actions does spanking bring good results?

    A. We must avoid it as much as possible. And also all those continuous “no’s” and “don’ts”. Make the child understand why he shouldn’t do something. Only then can we bring them around.

    Q. Even though we try and follow all these things as much as we can, they become rebellious and disobedient. Do you think that it could be because of bad company at school-perhaps it is our fault?…Sometimes, however they surpass every limit and we don’t know what to do.

    A. Why don’t we give the screwdriver to Christ sometimes-let him take care of things and tighten a few screws. Let’s not expect to do everything ourselves.

    Q. In the case where the child is in the church yet at a certain age he starts to change his ways and stray, how should we handle this?

    A. Calmly. If they do something serous, we should intervene. With younger children we should overlook something so we don’t turn things around and make things worst.

    Q. When a child gets involved with a bad crowd and deserts his home and in the meantime doesn’t have much of Christ with him, because unfortunately we are weak- do you think there is much hope that they’ll come round?

    A. Did they take love with them? Where there is love in the home and the child himself was surrounded by love himself, even if he leaves and gets involved with bad crowds and having a good time, he will see eventually that there is no love outside. He’ll see that there is hypocrisy everywhere and he’ll return home. But if he remembers hostility and hatred he won’t have it in his heart to return home.

    Q. When we ourselves have come to know Christ late, that is, when our children have already grown up, what can we do to put them on the right path?

    A. In this case, only prayer can bring results. We must ask God with a lot of faith to have mercy on these children who are not responsible for their unbelief. We must recognize that the responsibility is totally ours to humble ourselves and to have genuine repentance, and God will help. He has His way. He’ll send them a life jacket to save them.




  • I really miss Lizabeth’s blog (Shepherd’sGlen)  (EDITED ON DEC  30 , 05  – Lizabeth has a new blog now she is CrazyMamaofMany.  Before she left her last post really made me think. Until  recently I had never heard of AP and was very  unaware of the two camps of Christian parenting.  The points  that really made me think are in red.  It was very interesting to read this and helpful to me as an Orthodox Christian. I have dear friends in both parenting camps.   I thought I would share, with Lizabeth’s permission, her thoughts in her last couple of posts before she deleted her blog. Lizabeth I will miss your presence. Her blog is gone but Lizabeth and her family run a great Orthodox Christian Homeschooling Bookstore called Paidea Classics.

     


     

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    (these are Lizabeth’s words, not mine)

     

    Forgive me, a personal rant…


    I have come to the point where I realize I must be totally honest, which has forced me to end my participation at gracefulmothering.com/community and my membership to the AP blog rings which before today, I had belonged to.

    I have always believed in AP parenting in early childhood. But I have had a variety of influences when it comes to disciplining older children. My husband and I are presently re-evaluating all of our parenting philosophy in the light of what we are learning in Orthodoxy. We have no absolutely definitive views, though we do hold gentle discipline as the ideal to strive for.

    But this I do know: We will never dogmatize any type of parenting style or discipline. These are secondary issues in the Christian life. I feel very uncomfortable whenever anyone raises this type of thing, whether it is the practice of using corporal punishment for the purpose of child-training, or the use of non-punitive methods only, up to the level of fundamental Christian beliefs. I feel very uncomfortable whenever diversity of opinion on such topics as these are completely banned or people are excluded because of differing view points.

    There is no one dogmatic opinion within Orthodoxy. St. John Chrysostom speaks on all the Scriptures of the New Testament and he makes it quite clear that there is a time and place for firmer parenting measures, for the sake of saving a child’s soul. But he, as well as many Orthodox saints, do not encourage on the reliance of physical discipline for the sake of training someone up for Christ. It is Orthodox teaching and understanding that it requires grace for someone to learn to love Christ, and not harsh punishment. It is grace that trains someone up for Christ. Our job as parents, is to attract grace into our home, so that it will lead and sanctify us together as a family.

    So it is my understanding that within Orthodoxy, physical discipline, though not encouraged as a primary way of disciplining children, maybe necessary and acceptable for the sake of maintaining certain boundaries. The Church exercises such discipline in the form of excommunication, or in the case of a wayward priest or hierarch, and/or the removal of all priestly duties and functions. The apostles themselves, emphasized the necessity of separating from the Church, those who continue to follow heretical teachings and/or continue gross immoral behaviour without repentance.

    The Scriptures tell us that we must accept God’s chastening to be children of God, that it isn’t pleasant while it occurs, but painful, yet it brings the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12). It is Church teaching that suffering is necessary for us to learn humility and to be remade in the likeness of Christ (which we lost in the Fall, though we still retain His Image). Christ through His own suffering, redeemed suffering, so rather than to be fearful of it, we can accept it, pick up our cross, and follow Him with patience and hope in the Resurrection.

    I do not believe in the practice followed by many Protestants of corporal punishment for the sake of training a child to Christ. I do believe that a parent may at times have a need to use firmer measures, which may include physical discipline, in order to protect the child from destructive behavior, to him or herself, and/or to others. Whether it is appropriate for a parent to use such measures or not, is not for me to judge, but is best left between the person/family in question and whoever is spiritually responsible for that particular family.


    Forgive me if I have caused anyone scandal or have come across as dishonest. I wish I could have been more upfront about this, but felt like it would have been grossly rejected on the gracefulmother.com forum.










    An excerpt from “Conversations with Children,” by Sister Magdelen of the Stavropegic Monastery of St. John the Baptist, Essex, United Kingdom.

    THE HEART, THE SPIRITUAL CENTRE OF A PERSON

    ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all they mind’ (Luke 10:27). Christ put the heart first in His Commandment. The heart is the most personal component of a human being. Our brains and our minds reflect in their way the state of our heart; as the Lord said, thoughts proceed out of the heart (Matt. 15:19, Mark 7:21). ‘Our ideas, our philosophical systems, our cosmologies, our world views, are nothing else but the history of our hearts.’* As we develop spiritually, our intellect no longer remains separated, exiled in the brain. Mind and heart are united in a re-integrated person.

    The heart is cleansed and awakened by grace and by life according to the Gospel; that is why so many of our contemporaries are only aware of the heart’s physical functions. Sometimes they acknowledge also its emotional facet – though in the case of the emotions many consider the term ‘heart’ to be symbolic or metaphorical. Those who follow a Christian path will discover that the heart is the meeting place between the real ‘I’, the human hypostasis, and the living God. The pure in heart see God there. Knowledge of Him originates there. The cultivation of the heart is a task beyond any secular educational system. Intellectual ability is now deemed the criterion of knowledge. Because we are spiritually frozen we do not recognize a thought until it has taken a cerebral form. In reality, moral and spiritual judgments are decided in the heart.

    Child to a spiritual father: ‘What shall I do about [personal problem]?’ Elder: ‘I think you should decide about that yourself’. Child: ‘But I can’t’ Elder: ‘That’s because you tried to decide here [hand on forehead] rather than here [hand on heart].’

    Obviously this was a personal answer. But the fact that it was given to a child is significant. It also shows us that in Christian life, deciding by the heart does not mean being guided by the emotions rather than by reason. Neither does it mean that feelings are superior to thinking. Nor do we deny the value of reasoning. Deciding by our heart means opening the core of one’s being to God’s enlightenment, and letting the effect of that prayer colour our decision-making.

    In the spiritual education of children, our first concern is not to train their wills, but to attract grace – by our life and prayer – to their environment, and to let each child’s heart become attached to grace. Theological discussion with children is a very small proportion of Christian education. Prayer that God will touch them with grace is a permanent dimension of all our dealings with children, even when they are not with us.

    Protopresbyter George Metallinos, recalling the holy Elder Porphyrios: ‘He told me that I must deal with one of my children by praying a lot more. He specifically said to me about that child, “Whatever you would say to that child […], say it to God. Kneel before God and through the grace of God, your words will be conveyed to your child.” About my other child, he said to me: “[…] He listens, but he easily forgets. Therefore, again you will kneel and you will ask for God’s grace, so that your fatherly words will fall upon good soil and will be able to bear fruit.”**


    *Fr. Theokletos Dionysiatis, “Between Heaven and Earth [in Greek], (Athens, 1955), p. 130.

    **Klitos Ionnidis, “Elder Porphyrios, Testimonies and Experiences,” (Athens: Convent of the Transfiguration, 1997), p. 77.


     


    Sunday, May 15, 2005









    “Spiritual Illumination vs. Intellectual Learning” – an excerpt from the writings of Blessed Elder Paisios the Athonite

    “…The fathers of those days had great faith and simplicity. Although most of them were basically illiterate, they, nevertheless, received constant divine enlightenment because of their humility and zeal for spiritual combat. While, in our own days, knowledge has increased, unfortunately, logic has shaken people’s faith from the foundations and filled their souls with questions and doubts. So, it is only natural that we should be deprived of miracles, because miracles are experienced and cannot be explained by logic…”

    “…How could anyone have known that in a few years most people would become deformed by too much education – since they are being taught in the spirit of atheism and not in that of God, which can sanctify external education, too – and faintheartedness will reach such a point that miracles will be considered fairy-stories from bygone days? Naturally, when the doctor is an atheist, however many tests he performs on a saint with his scientific equipment (X-rays and so on), he will not be able to discern the grace of God. Whereas if he, too, has holiness in him, he will see divine grace radiating…”

    “…A great evil is it when we theologise cold-heartedly with our mind, passing off our mind for the Holy Spirit. This is called “encephalogy” [theology of the brain], which gives birth to Babel (confusion). In theology, however, there are many tongues (many gifts), but all tongues are in agreement because they have one Master, the Holy Spirit of the Pentecost, and the tongues are of fire…He, who disregards divine enlightenment, gives primacy to the mind and creates an impressive sermon with beautiful wording, is related to the Arians who believed that Christ is a creature of God…We, the Orthodox, believe and confess that the Word of God was not created, but was born “of the Father before all ages” and was incarnate “of the Holy Spirit” and the Virgin Mary and brought salvation to the world….The word of the mind does not bring change to souls, for it is flesh. The word of God that is born of the Holy Spirit has divine energy and changes souls…”


    ~ Blessed Elder Paisios the Athonite (+1994)


     










    Glory to Thee, Lord
    What shall I give Thee, Lord, in return for all Thy kindness?
    Glory to Thee for Thy love.
    Glory to Thee for Thy mercy.
    Glory to Thee for Thy patience.
    Glory to Thee for forgiving us all our sins.
    Glory to Thee for coming to save our souls.
    Glory to Thee for Thine incarnation in the Virgin’s womb.
    Glory to Thee for Thy bonds.
    Glory to Thee for receiving the cut of the lash.
    Glory to Thee for accepting mockery.
    Glory to Thee for Thy crucifixion.
    Glory to Thee for Thy burial.
    Glory to Thee for Thy resurrection.
    Glory to Thee who were preached to men and women.
    Glory to Thee in whom they believed.
    Glory to Thee who were taken up into Heaven.
    Glory to Thee who sit in great glory at the Father’s right hand.
    Glory to Thee whose will it is that the sinner should be saved
    through Thy great mercy and compassion.


    St Ephrem the Syrian (+373 A.D.)


     




  • A husband’s duty to give love to his wife and family does not allow him to intimidate his wife. He must not treat his wife as a hired servant – which many men do. Here is what Saint John Chrysostom has to say about this:

    “A servant, indeed, one will be able perhaps to bind down by fear; nay, not even for him, for he will soon leave you. But the partner of one’s life, the mother of one’s children, the foundation of one’s every joy, one ought never to chain down by fear and threats, but with love and good temper. For what sort of union is that, where the wife trembles at her husband? And what sort of pleasure will the husband have if he dwells with his wife as with a slave? Yea, even though you suffer everything on her account, do not scold her; for neither did Christ do this to the Church.”

    Men, husbands, true love for us begins when we give of ourselves to others. We first really begin to love – in a Christian sense – when we first give. A husband once complained to Saint John Chrysostom that his wife did not love him. The Saint replied; “Go home, and love her.” “But you don’t understand,” said the husband. “How can I love her when she doesn’t love me?” “Go home and love her,” the Saint repeated. And he was right. Where there is no love, we must put some love, and we will find it.

    Often husbands complain to a priest that their wife doesn’t love them. Then the priest discovers that the husband isn’t going out of his way at all to give love; he’s merely sitting back and waiting to be loved, like some kind of idol, waiting to be served and worshiped. Such a husband needs to discover that the only way to receive lasting love in a marriage is to give it, for in life we usually receive what we give: if we give hatred, we receive hatred; but if we give love, we receive it back in return.

    The Fathers of the Church tell us that Christian husbands must love their wives more than their secular jobs, for there is no success greater than a happy home, and no other success that we men achieve in life will have meaning if we fail at home. Our families deserve the best. There are altogether too many of us men today who are at our best out in the world, and at our worst at home. For this reason, the Church Fathers tell us to set the highest possible value on the company of our wives, and be more desirous of being at home with them than being in the market place. Husbands, and future husbands, let us take to heart these words by the twentieth-century Frenchman, André Maurois: “I bind myself for life; I have chosen; from now on my aim will be not to search for someone who will please me, but to please the one I have chosen…”

    The Responsibilities of the Wife

    Saint Paul says, Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord … As the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be subject to their own husbands in everything. (Eph. 5:22, 24)

    Today’s society, especially here in America, and particularly in public media – movies, television, magazines, books – despises the spirit of obedience. We are instead exhorted at every turn to “do our own thing,” to look after “number one,” to satisfy our every whim and desire. But an Orthodox Christian marriage, as we have said, is not part of secular or worldly society. Its goals and the goals of society are not merely at variance; they are diametrically opposed. The aim of Christian marriage is eternal life in Heaven with Jesus Christ; the aim of worldly society is pleasure, enjoyment of the here and now, and, especially, self-indulgence and self-will.

    But it has been revealed through Scripture and Tradition, that obedience is actually a catalyst for Christian perfection – that is, obedience, submission, actually helps to speed the process of the struggle to acquire virtue in our lives. On the other hand, self-will greatly increases the passion of pride and eventually alienates an individual from a Christian way of thinking and living. Metropolitan Anthony Khrapovitsky writes:

    “If you wish to be a good, intelligent person and not a stupid sheep, just another member of the herd, then do not agree with your contemporaries who are perishing spiritually and physically; do not go by the path of self-will, but by the path of obedience. Only then will you be a person. Then, perhaps … you alone … will preserve your faith and your heart uncoarsened, an honorable soul, you will not be battered and storm-beaten like a weathercock, as are the majority of our contemporaries.”

    Christ Himself is the most perfect example of obedience, for it was through His obedience to the will of His Father that He went unto suffering and death for our sakes, and led us from sin to freedom and salvation.

    We have all, at one time or another, seen examples of families where the wife “wears the pants.” And what do we usually mean by that crude expression? We mean that the wife has taken over the position of leadership in the family and has tried to become the head of the husband. This may happen because the husband is very weak – or perhaps too selfish and preoccupied to assume his proper responsibilities; or it may be because the wife herself has a spiritual or emotional problem that causes her to desire authority and power. In such cases the woman often has a pushy and aggressive personality that manifests itself in her relationships outside the family as well. Such a wife lacks the most basic qualities of womanhood – gentleness, modesty of mind, and kindness. In such a situation there are only feelings of despair, frustration, discontent and even anger among family members. One of the first things a priest must do when he is counselling a husband and wife who are in such a situation is to try and persuade the husband to begin assuming a true leadership role in his family, and he must also somehow persuade the wife to relinquish some of the authority that is not hers by right.

    It should be said that these roles are not exclusive:
    there are times when it is appropriate for a wife to show strength, or for a husband to be obedient to his wife. In the most mature, highly developed and spiritual marriages, the relationship of a man and woman evolve into one of mutual obedience.


    Characteristics of a Successful Marriage

    Experience tells us that two people get married and immediately begin to discover how very different they are. The fact is, we don’t really even begin to know ourselves until we are married. We live too close to ourselves. It really does take someone else to help us to see ourselves as we really are. One of the fringe benefits of a good marriage is that one acquires a built-in psychiatrist: a good spouse who cares enough to listen without having to be paid for it! We know that many emotional illnesses are a result of a person having some inner burden weighing on him which he had never been able to really share with someone else. In a good marriage, husband and wife share their burdens with one another, and this sharing is without reservation, without having to worry about how the other person will react, without having to keep up a front.

    A marriage is not a missionary enterprise! It has enough problems and difficulties of its own without each partner trying to thoroughly change and remake the other. One of the most common and most serious illusions young marrieds have is that of marrying someone in the hope and expectation of changing that person.

    True love does not force itself on anyone, and it does not force change; it evokes growth. How? First, by accepting one’s spouse as he or she is. When we marry, we do not sign up to change the other person; we just agree to love him as he is. The best thing a husband can do to change his wife, or vice-versa, is to change himself, to correct his own faults – in keeping with Christ’s instructions to His followers.

    We think of disloyalty in a marriage as being when one spouse commits adultery. The fact is, we can be disloyal and unfaithful just as thoroughly by putting business, or parents, or hobbies, or someone else before our spouse. That, too, is disloyalty. And anyone who is not ready to place his spouse ahead of career, ahead of parents, ahead of friends, ahead of recreation, is not ready for marriage – and such a marriage will fail. Marriage is for adults, not for children.

    If you fit the first button into the first hole of your suit, all the other buttons will fall in their proper place. But if the first button is placed in the second hole, nothing will come out right. It’s a matter of putting first things in first place, of keeping priorities straight. Likewise in marriage. Husbands, if you put your wives first – and wives, if you put your husbands first – everything else will fall into its proper place in the marriage relationship.

    There are many characteristics that a successful marriage has, but in my view the three most important are these:

    1. Praise. No marriage can prosper if there is no praise. Everyone in life needs to feel appreciated at some point by someone. And nothing can kill love faster than continual criticism. When we husbands and wives praise each other – in small ways as well as in big ways – we are also saying to one another: I love you; I value you. Praise nurtures a good marriage. And it is the one characteristic that is most lacking in modern marriages.

    2. Forgiveness. Forgiveness is essential for a happy marriage. When couples ask me, “Do you think our marriage can survive?” my answer is always, “Yes, providing you are willing to forgive each other.” And this forgiveness should not be just after a major crisis in a family. It should be every single day. In a successful marriage, a husband and wife are constantly asking forgiveness of each other. When we don’t do this, wounds don’t get healed. We grow apart from each other. We grow cold towards one another, and we don’t obtain the blessings that God sends down on husbands and wives that mutually forgive one another.

    3. Time. A successful marriage takes time. It does not happen overnight. It must grow. It is a long and difficult process; like all good things in life, it comes through considerable effort and struggle. Those of you not yet married, or on the verge of marriage, should remember this: we live in a society of instantaneous gratification – we want what we want, when we want it, and that when is now. And this impatience on our part has had a very destructive effect on marriages, even in the Orthodox Church. If we have no patience with each other, and are not willing to give many years to working out a successful marriage, then our marriage is doomed.

    No marriage is so good that it cannot be better, and no marriage is so bad that it cannot be improved – provided that the persons involved are willing to grow together by God’s grace toward the maturity of Christ, Who came “not to be served but to serve.”

    An absolute essential requirement for a good marriage is the capacity to grow up. Emotional immaturity is one of the greatest causes of failure in marriage. Of course, we all come to marriage with our private assortment of immaturities and hangups. But we have to learn to outgrow them. When I was a child, observed Saint Paul, I thought as a child. I spoke as a child, I understood as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things. How essential it is to a happy marriage to put away childish things: irresponsibility, insisting on getting one’s own way, egotism, lack of empathy, temper tantrums, jealousy. How important it is to pray every day: “O God, help me to grow up… to look beyond myself… to realize the needs and feelings of my wife/husband, and accept the responsibility God has laid upon me.”


    Taken from here:


    http://www.roca.org/OA/154/154f.htm.htm

  • “And these words which I command you this day shall be upon your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7 

    Christ is Risen! 

    What is a family in the eyes of God? How does the Church view family? What are some traits of a healthy family? This is what we’re addressing today. After all, when we work with children, their families, and our own families, it’s nice to know what to aim for. Let’s not forget that the church is a family as well, and we can use the following “blueprint” for our own ministries.

    With love in Christ,

    The Department of Youth and Young Adult Ministries


    15 CHARACTERISTICS OF A HEALTHY FAMILY


    Taken from Blueprint for a Family by Fr John Dresko

    1. The healthy family communicates and listens. When someone wants to show you the ultimate disrespect, they tune you out! In a healthy family, we recognize that everyone has a basic need to be heard. That doesn’t necessarily mean agreed with!

    2. The healthy family affirms and supports. Responsibility brings freedom, achievement brings support, and loyalty brings commitment. If we give our kids responsibility and they meet it, we have to trust them with more freedom to decide things. When they achieve something, even if it is not “our” interest, they have a right to our support. They must be loyal to their decisions – if someone wants to play the French horn, they have to do it right for three months, even if they quit after that.

    3. The healthy family teaches respect for others. Beginning at home, if we can’t respect and love each other, what kind of people are we? A study shows that Christians who come from “happy” (their definition) homes also have a social conscience [and engage in charitable acts] – they love their neighbors.

    4. The healthy family develops a sense of trust. Protection, safety, security for kids. The crisis comes when that trust is shattered, for it takes years to rebuild.

    5. The healthy family has a sense of play and humor. If you can’t laugh at yourself and among yourselves, this world will crush you. Many times laughter is the only thing that keeps us from crying.

    6. The healthy family shares responsibility. That develops character, and responsible people at home are responsible people everywhere. And vice versa.

    7. The healthy family teaches right and wrong. To function as human beings, we need to have clearly defined limits. We are most happy when we know exactly what our limits are – even if we occasionally break those limits. At least we know them.

    8. The healthy family has a strong sense of kinship with many traditions. Of course, we Orthodox are great at this! But the happiest memories a person has are of family traditions from growing up. Many spend years trying to recapture those days.

    9. The healthy family has a balance of interaction. It is good for the family to function as the sum of many parts, but in no case should the child be allowed to become the head. That is dad or mom!

    10. The healthy family has a strong, shared religious core. Studies have shown the tension in families of mixed religions, but it is more important to share a common set of beliefs. Right and wrong. Good and bad. Ideally, it would be shared by the whole family in the same structure of the Church.

    11. The healthy family respects the privacy of one another. This is especially important as the kids get older. We do need our privacy. Many times there is not a lot to be said between a 40-year old and his 15-year old child. That’s OK.

    12. The healthy family values service to others. When we are selfish, our family is dysfunctional. See no. 3.

    13. The healthy family fosters family table time and conversation. A special pox on television. It makes zombies who simply eat, sleep, procreate, and watch TV. Communication (no. 1 above) is impossible if the TV is on. At the very least, try to have some time together at the table once in a while. It has to be a priority to break into our busy lives!

    14. The healthy family shares leisure time. What is more healthy than a family that enjoys each other’s company, even when they don’t “have” to?

    15. The healthy family admits to problems and seeks help. We are not perfect, so at least, as Christians, let’s give each other the proper example of humility, repentance and guidance. My kids need to be forgiven, but so do I!


    10 PITFALLS OF FAMILY LIFE


    1. We all have experiences of “family.” When we begin to build our own families, we bring baggage with us. Some of that baggage is good, but some is also bad. We shouldn’t try to “shoe-horn” our particular family into an image that we have of family. Some of us would like things to be exactly as they were when we were little. Some of us would like things to be exactly opposite of when we were little. Most of us settle for a blend. Very few families are the Cleavers (from Leave it to Beaver) and very few families are the Simpsons or the Bundys (from Married with Children). Most of us limp along doing our best.


    2. All families are unique. My family does not have the same type of relations as the one next door. Perceptions are very important – remember, the first child perceives things very differently from the second, etc.


    3. The family, especially today, is stressed. They cannot do everything that needs to be done, so stress is released in different ways – some of them abusive.


    4. The family is the focus of the problems we deal with today. Many times, a man can’t yell at his boss, so he yells at his wife, who then yells at the kids, who then yell at each other and the dog! And on and on and on…


    5. When the family life is bad, it is really bad – in fact, it’s hell.


    6. When the family life is good – it is never as good as expected.


    7. The family is the most intensive and extensive relationship most of us will know. The “nuclear” family is a title that is only a little out of place. When explosions happen, they are incredibly intense.



    8.
    By nature, the family is a relationship of “dependents” – and since no one likes to be dependent upon someone else, it breeds hostility.


    9. The family is “community” par excellence, but with that “commune” also comes independent feelings, selfish feelings, etc., which destroys the ideal of community.


    10. The ideal analogy to represent the family is the Holy Trinity – but that icon leads us to also believe that we are doomed from the beginning, because no one lives up to the ideal.



    For the entirety of this article, please see


    http://www.theologic.com/oflweb/inhome/build.htm